My nephew told me a riddle: a man walks with a coffee in his hand, gets bumped, and ends up with coffee on his shirt. Because it was in the cup. If it had been juice, it’d be juice. If water, water. Then he said, and this was the good part: “We all walk around with something in our cup: sadness, anger, joy… life bumps into you no matter what’s in your cup.” I sat there half-awake, thinking that’s exactly where life gets its color and becomes less black and white.
For full context, let’s start from the beginning. I was asleep when my nephew called me, excited to share a riddle he just heard. This was the second time he called, so normally that means the news isn’t good. You can imagine the emotional shift from what now to what the… He repeated the riddle: “Unk, there’s a man walking down the street with coffee in his cup. A man bumps him as he walks. The coffee spills on him. How did he get the coffee on his shirt?”
I explained that I had just woken up and needed to get ready for work. Not sure what happened to my alarm, but I was already behind. He asked again. Still confused, half awake, and a little frustrated, I told him I had to get off the phone. But he pressed, excited in that “you’ll never guess this one” kind of way. I gave him one more chance before he told me the answer.
“Unk, the man got coffee on his shirt because coffee was in his cup. Had it been juice, he would have had juice. Had it been water, it would have been water.”
Me: “Bruh, what?”
He reminded me of a previous conversation we had about handling situations in life. His excitement came because he realized that in life we all walk around with something in our cups. Anger, sadness, guilt, joy, you name it. Life is “the person” who bumps you. It doesn’t matter what’s in the cup because you can’t avoid life.
“Love you, neph. I’ll talk to you later.”
I sat with it before getting in the shower. I liked the riddle but thought it was missing something. The breakdown was dope but too simple. It lacked depth. Like many great ideas and songs, it hit me later. This doesn’t give the full view of what life is like. It was missing context and perspective. Life isn’t clean. It can get messy, right? So I had to call him back on my way to work.
Context matters
One of my issues with the riddle was that for some people, it doesn’t matter what spilled on them. Their shirt is wet, period. Accident or not, if you spill something on the wrong person, it’s going to be a problem.
Previously, my nephew and I talked about shoes getting stepped on in the club or a bar. It could be a hundred people in there, two hundred feet total, and a person will still be pissed that one of those feet happened to step on their sneakers. Life’s mathematics don’t always line up with academic mathematics.
So I gave him different scenarios. If his grandma bumped him, would he get mad? He laughed, no, of course not. If the police bumped him, would he get mad? His response was more complicated. What if I bumped him? He said no. Then I asked, “What if you were trippin’? Would it be in your best interest to get mad at me?” We have that kind of relationship. Not that we fight, but as he gets older, he likes to challenge me. I’ve never given him breaks, he’s always had to earn it.
Perspectives matter
Intent changes how we see an action. That power of interpretation is why so many people misuse it. Not just those who manipulate, but also the “victims” who use it to keep their narrative of victimhood alive.
My older brother Mike once told me something that stuck: just because you didn’t intend to hurt me doesn’t mean I’m not hurt. Emotionally, mentally, physically, hurt is hurt.
The same situation will feel different depending on the perspective. Someone in a rush versus someone with free time will handle being bumped differently. A person struggling financially will see it differently than someone who can replace the shirt and buy another coffee without thinking twice. Those perspectives shape what’s really “in the cup.”
When I talked it through with my nephew, I pointed out that in this case he was the one who bumped me. How? Because I was asleep, and he called, twice. I told him I had just woken up. I told him I needed to get ready for work. I thought it was an emergency, so my mind was in a different place. He laughed when I flipped it back on him, but he got the point.
Who’s pouring into your cup?
Another thing the riddle didn’t cover is how other people pour into your cup. It’s not just about what’s already in there. Friends, family, and environments all pour into you, sometimes without you realizing it. And not all of it is good.
Sometimes what people pour is toxic. Not every friend is good in every situation. Not every family bond means alignment. Having someone is not always better than having no one. If what they pour doesn’t match your morals, values, or direction, it just clouds your cup.
Environments matter too. If you’re somewhere that doesn’t support your growth, it makes what’s already in your cup heavier. That’s not an excuse to lash out, but it might be a sign that you need to step back to clear your head. And despite what viral videos suggest, not every place needs to turn into a ring or an octagon.
Choice matters
Here’s what I think the riddle missed most: in life, you don’t get to avoid being bumped. But you do have choices.
You choose how you respond. You choose how you grow. You choose whether the spill defines your whole day or just a moment.
Life will bump you regardless. That’s a guarantee. But the question is—when it does, what’s in your cup?
